The Argvargen Awards 2014

Far too much horseshit was spouted about ecigs & vaping in 2014  to categorise any winners, losers or otherwise.

Having said that, the winners were clearly the lying charlatans of pubic health and tobacco control, who managed to

a) once again trouser a shedload of cash from the taxpayer & pharma industry

b) avoid any lawsuits for their lies and

c) continue to enjoy total immunity from media or political scrutiny for their never-ending diatribes against vapers, smokers, drinkers…in fact anyone who fails to meet their 1930s German/Swedish view of the ubermensch, that still persists, despite a rather large war to show them that leftist ideals of a state-driven, conformist society aren’t what people actually want.

So I’ve picked one of many publications to highlight the warped worldview that is being ladled upon us, to sum up how it has felt to be a drinking, vaping former smoker in 2014. Ladies and Gentlemen I bring you the HuffPo style guide for vaping:

Does the day have a Y in it?

If yes, publish an article about vaping. Consult style guide for specific days for further details.

Does the day have a T in it?

If yes, write a hipsterish take on how vaping IS the new smoking, and how that’s “kinda cool”, and how harm reduction is “kinda cool”, and how less lung cancer but still edgy vape culture is “kinda cool”, and how the fact that there are specialist vape shops is “kinda cool”, and how some boutique manufacturers making oak-aged, beard-tugging, limited edition eliquid served in 35 dollar virgin-tempered glass is “kinda cool”.

Does the day not have a T in it?

Put aside your care for humanity. Put aside your hipsterish, everyman, laissez-faire credentials right now. This is a chance to unleash your dislikes as state-sponsored hatred.

Awesome.

You, yes you, can spend 1500 words having a go at people – think of it as a Stalindrome – you shoot, we make sure it’s all groovy ethics-wise. After all, these people are stealing the purest bits of pure New York City air right from under your nose, as you wait for your carcinogenic wood-oven-baked pain-au-russin to be adorned with char-grilled peppers and nicotine-laden tomatoes. YOU FUCKIN’ DESERVE THIS MOMENT OF PIETY.

You will big-up the tiny, defenceless little non-smoking, non-vaping hipsterman, and defend him from the evils of Big Vape, using the Glantzian shoddy science you gleaned from multinational pharmaceutical companies and their subordinate college campuses. You will show how the evil Mom n Pop shop – that have so far helped over 2,000 former smokers to find a new yet significantly less harmful way of enjoying their (up till now) lifelong habit – are demons, trying to lure the youth of your home town of Asshole, Indiana away from their usual pastimes of rape & rodeo.

You will pretend that nicotine isn’t something that occurs naturally in your San-Sebastian-style eggplant with patatas bravas. You’re Progressive. And the Progressive have decided. To be un-progressive, backward, and quasi-religious in their subjective hatred.

’twas ever thus. Happy New Year.

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