That thing where you get $2.7 million to eavesdrop on the public….
Deep in the heart of one of America’s top universities, we overheard this lunchtime canteen conversation between two researchers:
So what you working on?
We’re analyzing tweets by vapers.
Gee. How’s that going?
You know, I think these e-cig things are more dangerous than we thought.
How so?
Well, they keep going on about fat glands causing a pain in the ass for one thing.
Uh-huh.
And some of the crazy stuff they’re “vaping” sounds really nasty.
You’re kidding?
No Sir-ee Bob – check this out. 146 people reported cranial injuries in ONE DAY! <Reads> “Been banging my head on my desk all day. This BMJ Spunktrumpet is pure evil.” There’s more: “ Have you checked out Chippy’s latest? Guarantee you will puke.” And look: “Any more of this Leftard Bubblegimp and I swear I will gouge my own eyes out.”
That’s fucked up.
But you know what the real puzzle is? 78% of them are called Clive.
That’s insane! One for the stats-jockeys to fondle I guess. Still, at least you haven’t been forced to wipe chimp shit off computer keyboards for six months.
Ha! The infinite monkey project. Is that finished yet?
Yup.
Did they write a heap of crap?
How did you guess?
Still can’t believe you got funding for that!
We didn’t.
What?! So where did the cash come from?
The chimps got hired at UCSF. We got the finders’ fee.
argvargen 
My ribs hurt
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